Oceans of Adventure

I’ve been staring at the edge of the water

‘Long as as I can remember, never really knowing why

 

Thus sings newest Disney Princess Moana as she stares at the ocean from the shores of her home island. Moana the film, (definitely one of the top ten best movies ever produced by Disney) hit theatres just one month after I returned home from serving my mission to Canada. As most individuals in the church are aware, recently returned missionaries are awkward and have no clue how to move forward with life. I was no exception to this rule. Though I do feel that I’ve made a lot of progress since then! (I’m actually still pretty awkward and have no idea what I’m doing with my life, but at least I’m not in quite as deplorable a situation as I once was). Anyways, the point is that Moana is, in many ways, exactly the same as your typical recently returned Mormon missionary.

Moana has a desire. She’s been staring at the edge of the water for as long as she can remember. What is it she wants out there? Well, the honest answer is that she doesn’t really know. All she knows is that she wants to go out there and see. She had glimpses of how big the world really is and wanted to see more of it. I felt similar impulses. At twenty years old, with, as my mother so eloquently put it, my “entire life before me,” I too had feelings of desire and anxiety. I had no idea what it was I was searching for in life. All I knew was that I was indeed searching for greater meaning and expansion. I had an ocean of my own that I desired to go sailing in but I did not have the slightest clue how to do so.

I wish I could be the perfect daughter

But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try

When I heard the song for the first time I honestly identified with it on a personal level. Though I faced no physical obstacle like Moana did, I definitely felt that there were walls built with the intention of keeping me on my own little island for my whole life. I can’t place my finger on exactly what it is, but I believe these walls are constructed in something of a mixture of societal expectations, parental guidance, and internal fears.

There was certainly no end to the expectations. Being the oldest child (and boy) in my family meant lots of people expecting me to do wonderful things. Perhaps one of the most annoying expectations was my grandmother insisting that I would be the first grandchild married (that prediction has already been proven false).

But there were also ways that I limited myself. Money scared me, I had no idea how I was supposed to go about paying for college. I also had a notion about getting done with school quickly because I did not want to end up in my late twenties still working on my undergrad because I felt that would make me a failure. To make a long story short, I allowed my fears to guide my actions and ended up choosing what has got to be the easiest, cheapest, and least prestigious educational institution in the state: Salt Lake Community College.

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me

And no one knows, how far it goes

I ended up spending three semesters at Salt Lake Community College. I graduated with an associate’s degree faster than most people have ever gone through that school (most of them don’t graduate at all). Soon thereafter I had a very proud moment: being admitted to BYU with what was probably the lowest ACT score to ever get in. But altogether my experience at the community college was not compelling. When I graduated I felt like I had essentially used up a year of my life doing nothing. Throughout that experience I had glimpses of doing things that would actually compel me, and going cool places that would make me stretch. That line where the sky meets the sea, yeah it called me too. But the reason no one knows how far it goes is because it is different for everyone.

My decision to attend BYU was met with an avalanche of opposition. I come from a staunchly University of Utah family. They’ve been attending that school for generations. Additionally everybody I knew in Salt Lake basically thought I would be thrust down to Hell by moving to Provo. But deep down I never did like the culture at the U. The virtue of free expression gets taken a bit too far over there, I believe.

If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me

One day I’ll know, if I go there’s just no telling how far I’ll go

I believe that the act of living a life free of limitations is done by examining external expectations and choosing which ones to keep and which to discard. Just as important is also casting out internal fears so that the self is not hindered in its pursuit of what’s out there. Moana did this. She defied her father’s ruling of not sailing in the ocean. She conquered her internal fears of personal inadequacy and successfully sailed Maui across the sea so that he could restore the heart of Te Fiti.

Now, I don’t claim to have accomplished any deed as heroic as Moana’s, but I did identify with her journey on a personal level. Besides How Far I’ll go being one of the best songs Disney ever made, it tells a fantastic story about overcoming the tendency humans have to submit to the life of mediocrity which the world is so willing to inflict. Sure, there are lots of kids my age who have been more places and done greater things than I have. However, I do know that I have made extensive strides in removing the shackles of limitation on my own mind. That is something which may or may not be applied to people in similar situations as mine. Limitation truly is something that is internal, not external.